Unit 3 The Better Word
Unit Objectives
At the end of the unit you will be able to
1.know how to choose better words,i.e,words that are concise, precise, and effective;
2.Know how to use modifiers correctly; and
3.Write simple notices.
Part I Warming-up Activities
Form pairs and each writes a short paragraph. Student A looks at File 1 and student B at File 2 to specific information.
File 1:
Is there anything you enjoy doing most, such as listening to music, traveling, etc.? Now write a short paragraph to describe it. Choose your words carefully and try to make your reader feel your joy and happiness.
File 2:
Is there anything you hate doing most, such as housework, writing compositions, etc.? Now write a short paragraph to describe it. Choose your words carefully and make your reader feel your dislike or hatred.
Part II Focus
Conciseness
Read the following sentence and decide if it is appropriate in the written context.
You know I had a very difficult tome making up my mind whether or not I should quit the job I’m doing now.
If the sentence is spoken, how do you feel about it?
The sentence above can be regarded as a fairly normal one in speech, but it appears rather awkward in the written form. Written language is characterized by conciseness while spoken language tends to be “wordy”. The words “you know” sound quite natural in speech but empty and redundant in the written form because they add little to the meaning of the rest of the sentence. So we must try to remove any “dead branches and leaves,” i.e., unnecessary words and make our writings more concise. Based on this principle, the preceding sentence should be turned into:
I had a very difficult time making up my mind whether or not I should quit my present job
Now can you find the problems in the following sentences?
a. We really need to listen to what he would say.
b. The criticisms I will make are major ones which ought to be given careful consideration because of their importance.
c. The volunteers in the fire department deserve a lot of credit. The volunteer firemen answer alarms any time in all kinds of weather.
d. One of the most difficult decisions I have ever made in my life was whether I should go to university after finishing high school or not to go to college after high school.
e. People who both work full time and go to school have a lot of problems. These people don’t have much time for recreation. Often they live under more pressure.
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Redundancy is not always easy to spot. The best way is to proofread your writing carefully and try to find words, phrases or even sentences that are not essential.
Classroom Activities
1.Work in pairs and judge whether the following phrases are concise or not in the written context.
it is my opinion that at this point in time
what I am trying to say is red in color
a person by the name of repeat again
attractive in appearance rectangular in shape
2.Rewrite the following sentences so that they become concise.
1) Xianming High School has a faculty of teachers who do their jobs well.
2) One of the requirements is a term paper. It is to consist of three thousand words on a subject of your choice.
3) College is a difficult thing to adjust to. One reason it is difficult is that you are left on your own to solve many problems.
4）A career in the Army has both advantages and disadvantages. The return to the civilian life from the military also has advantages and disadvantages.
5)The subject of teenage pregnancy is a topic that has created a magnitude of controversial arguments.
3.Work with your partner and check your paragraph for the Warm-up Activities. Remove any unnecessary word and phrase.
Classroom Activities
1.Read the following sentences, underline the general words in them and see how you can add power to them by replacing the general words with specific ones.
1) Kate said she had an awful time at the homecoming party.
2) I think Mr. Brown is a bad speaker.
3) The husband gave his wife a nice necklace for her birthday.
4) There are certain things I look for in judging a person’s character.
2. The following sentences are correct in form and clear in meaning.
If you have committed a crime, escape to the woods with ammunition and clothing. People there will give you food and you need worry about nothing.
But notice the great precision and concreteness of these sentences from Merimee’s short story, Mateo Falcone:
If you have killed a man, go into the maquis of Potro-Becchio with a good gun and powder and shot. You will live there quite safely, but don’t forget to bring along a brown cloak and hood for your blanket and mattress. The shepherds will give you milk, cheese, and chestnuts, and you need not trouble your head about the law or the dead man’s relatives, except when you are compelled to go down into the town to renew your ammunition.
Now can you make the following narration more concrete?
It was fine last weekend, so they went to the countryside and had a good time. We saw many things and people there. And we had a wonderful time.
Your version:
After you have rewritten the narration, compare yours with your partner’s and see whose is more precise.
3.Work in pairs and check your paragraph for the Warm-up Activities again for preciseness.
Effectiveness
Suppose you were describing the final moment of a 100-meter dash at a sports meet, what would you write? Use the space below to describe the last moment of the race.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You may write that the runners ran toward the tape at a great speed, but it is too wordy and weak to effectively convey the speed and strain involved in such a race. By searching your mind for a moment, however, you may come up with verbs that might be more effective. Dashed, sprinted, and streaked, for instance, are all improvements because they are more concise and vivid and, therefore, more effective. Being able to find an effective word is the third rule of language use in writing.
Classroom Activities
1.The following paragraph describes Jo, a character in Louisa May Alcott’s novel Little Women. Notice the adjectives used in the description.
Fifteen-year-old Jo was tall, thin, and brown, and reminded one of a colt, for she never seemed to know what to do with her long limbs, which were very much in her way. She had a decided mouth, a comical nose, and sharp, gray eyes, which appeared to see everything, and were by turns fierce, funny, or thoughtful. Her long, thick hair was her one beauty, but it was usually bundled into a net to be out of her way. Round shoulders had Jo, big hands and feet, a flyaway look to her clothes and the uncomfortable appearance of a girl who was rapidly shooting up into a woman and didn’t like it.
1) The author has given a
detailed picture of Jo: her appearance, her movements, and even her personality.
Carefully chosen adjectives are important in the description. Work in groups
and find the adjective or adjectives that describe each of the following:
Jo’s mouth:
Her nose:
Her eyes:
Her shoulders:
Her hands and feet:
2) Louisa May Alcott uses adjectives only when she thinks they are effective. For example, she does not use an adjective in mentioning that Jo “reminded one of a colt”.Would it be more effective to write that Jo reminded one of an awkward colt?
2.Work in pairs and read your revised writing for the Warm-up Activities to your partner. Make sure that the adjectives used are accurate and vivid.